Anyone who has contact with and relationships with children, wants to support them in the best way possible and make them strong and healthy. No matter what they are experiencing, children are children, and their brains all operate in similar ways. Some children, particularly those with additional needs and are a bit “Neuro-spicy” as my friend termed recently, may feel emotions more deeply than others and feel confused around regulation, so we have to work hard to support our little ones at times.
Over the years, I have come across many books that help us better understand children’s needs. Below are some of my top recommendations that I feel would be helpful for parents and carers who want to deepen their understanding of how our brains work, as knowledge of this builds empathy and changes how we respond to the children while also offering some practical ways to respond and deal with those heated moments when we aren’t quite sure if we are doing the right thing.
Books on Brain Development and Parenting Techniques
The Whole-Brain Child & The Yes Brain Child – Dr. Daniel Siegel & Dr. Tina Bryson
If you are someone who likes to understand things on a cognitive level—why children behave the way they do, how the brain responds to different parenting techniques, and what works best based on neuroscience—these books are a must-read. Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson explain in simple terms how children’s brains develop and how we, as adults, can best support them. These books provide both the ‘why’ and the ‘how’ of effective relationship building strategies, which is invaluable for those who want to make informed choices.
Oh, and if you’re interested in Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson’s work, they are always releasing new books—so it’s worth checking out their latest titles!
Say What You See for Parents and Teachers – Sandra Blackard
This book is pure GOLD! It is a little gem of a book! Short, clear, and incredibly practical. At just 90 pages, it’s a quick read, but it is full of gems when it comes to understanding how to communicate effectively with children. This book teaches ‘The Language of Listening,’ which helps parents and teachers respond to children in a way that builds connection and trust rather than shame or fear. The book doesn’t go into depth on Neuroscience like Siegel and Bryson’s books do but dives straight to what to say! It’s a ‘does what it says on the tin’ type of book. One awesome thing about this book is that it is available for free online. Follow this link: Read SAY WHAT YOU SEE® Handbook Online – Language of Listening® Coaching Skills
I love this book so much that when I run training courses, I make it required reading for participants. It’s the kind of book you’ll find yourself returning to again and again because the strategies are so simple yet so effective.
Books on Shame, Trauma, and Attachment
The Simple Guide Series – Betsy de Thierry
Betsy de Thierry has written some incredibly accessible books on complex topics. These books are short, easy to read, and packed with useful information. The series includes:
- The Simple Guide to Shame in Children (This is a must-read!)
- The Simple Guide to Child Trauma
- The Simple Guide to Attachment Difficulties in Children
If I had to recommend just one, I would say The Simple Guide to Shame in Children is essential reading. Shame is such a powerful force in children’s lives, and the way we handle discipline, consequences, and boundaries can either reinforce shame or help children grow with confidence. Betsy explains how shame affects children and gives practical advice on how to support them in a way that builds their sense of worth and security.
Interestingly, as well as being a teacher and psychotherapist—Betsy is also a pastor and runs highly successful Trauma Recovery Centres in the UK. Her work is well respected, and she’s a brilliant person to follow if you want to learn more about childhood trauma and become more trauma informed.
Books About Motivation and Punishments:
Punished by Rewards & Unconditional Parenting – Alfie Kohn
These books completely challenge the conventional wisdom around discipline, particularly the use of reward charts and punishment. As a teacher, I first became aware of Alfie Kohn’s work during my training when I started questioning the effectiveness of reward systems in schools. He argues that rewards may work in the short term because they tap into our brain’s dopamine response, but they don’t lead to long-term positive behaviour change.
Instead, these books encourage us to move away from external motivators and towards intrinsic motivation—helping children develop their own sense of right and wrong rather than relying on stickers and rewards to ‘do the right thing.’ If you want to be challenged in how you approach discipline, these are thought-provoking reads.
Books for the Kids:
Hey Warrior – Karen Young
This beautifully illustrated book is one of my favourites for helping children understand anxiety. It explains the role of the amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for keeping us safe—in a way that children can grasp.
What I particularly love about this book is that it reframes anxiety as bravery. It helps children see that their anxiety is actually their brain trying to protect them, and it gives them the tools to take control of it. This book is particularly powerful for children with Autism (ASD) or ADHD, who often feel like their experience of anxiety is different from other children. It’s an empowering read that I regularly use in therapy sessions.
The Bear and the Colour Thief – Christian Children’s Book
A Beautiful Christian Story for Children
This is a lovely book that explores the power of forgiveness. It tells the story of how holding onto grudges drains the colour from life, while choosing to forgive brings back joy and vibrancy. It’s a simple but profound message that I often use with children in therapy.
I’ll be honest—I haven’t used this book in a while, but just looking at it again has reminded me how valuable it is. I must bring it back into the playroom!
Final Thoughts
There are so many amazing books out there, but these are the ones that jump out at me from my bookshelf of books in my Play Therapy Office. They are particularly valuable for parents who want to understand and support their children better. Most of these books are easy to read and offer practical strategies that you can start using straight away.
Happy reading! 😊
